Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
