Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
