Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
