You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
