I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
