remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love you.
Bad choice
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