the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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