he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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