You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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