I think my vagina is haunted
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
