My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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