your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
