tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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