Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
