I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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