it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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