So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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