no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
