break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
