Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
