Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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