not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
