This girl is more easily done than said...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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