I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
