they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
