Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
