At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
