Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
