my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.