shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
