and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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