He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
