i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
