i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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