The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
