he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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