I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
