God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
