dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
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WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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