I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
