We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
