I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
