Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
