I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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