Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
