I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
ok first of all what the fuck
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
