Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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