First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
