i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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