I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
