watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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