I'm eating all of the evidence.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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