he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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