all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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