i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
