Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
