i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
