Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i out mim tonsoeep
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