I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
