I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Quick, to the slutcave!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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