The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
